Mind is a place where thoughts are created. Let my mind say in its own way....
A story on Hypnotherapy and Anorexia
Some of us may be quite familiar with the term "hypnotherapy". It is a therapy done by psychologists to help patients' problems with their behaviours. The aim of hypnotherapy was using hypnosis to help patients locate the source of the problems that are usually hidden deep inside their memories. Examples of problems are people who are afraid of height, or afraid of water, afraid of eating/taking sea food, etc. In most cases, after the therapy, the patients do not remember what they have spoken when they were unconscious. Hence, the psychologists would usually record them down and analyse through the record that is kept confidential.
It is interesting that most of the problems lie in the patients' childhood experiences. Some even in their past lives. There are certain past experience that the patients have long forgotten but the impact is still strong in their present situations. There is one story shared by Ajahn Brahm about an anorexia patient in Australia that he encountered recently, who went for hypnotherapy session. The patient is a young teenage girl. Anorexia is a psychological eating disorder, where the patient always thinks that her body is too fat, no matter how slim she is, and hence refuses to eat or touch any food. To a certain degree, this disorder has become a serious disease that leads to person's malnutrition and triggers other diseases.
This was what happened to this young girl. She became very thin and often falling sick due to malnutrition. Her mother who was very worried about her, finally heard about hypnotherapy and decided to give it a try. The mother then brought her daughter to a psychologist and made appointment for one session of hypnotherapy. The therapy started and the girl became unconscious and started to tell a story, guided by the psychologist. The memory was dig deep into her past life. She recalled that she was born in a family of two daughters, and she was the second daughter. Although she looked alike with her elder sister and both had nice figure, she often thought that her sister was prettier and had nicer figure than her.
At one point, they fell in love with the same handsome boy. Both of them aware of each other's feeling towards the boy, and in some way they ran into a 'competition' to win the boy's heart. The elder sister won. The boy fell in love with the elder sister and this hit the younger sister very had. The younger sister thought that her sister could win because she had nicer figure than hers. This led the younger sister to hate her body so much. The elder sister then got married with the boy, and the younger sister ran into a depression. Being depressed, she decided to take away her own life. On her sister's wedding day, she committed suicide.
So, that is where the problem locates. The reason for the girl being anorexia was her past experience in her previous life. But that is not the main point in this story. During the hypnotherapy session, as she unconsciously spoke more and more details of the story, her mother was getting more and more hysterical. Until one time, her mother was screaming and crying loudly. Do you know why? Yes, her mother was the "elder sister". She recalled clearly that she had a younger sister, who fell in love with the same boy, and she won the competition and married the boy. On her wedding day, her younger sister committed suicide. The details spoken by her daughter exactly the same as what she experienced. And now, she knew, that her 'younger sister' had been reborn in her womb as her daughter.
This story is pretty shocking that sometimes we don't realise our connection with people surrounding us, and the root of problems that may lie in our relationship with them in the past. The good news was after the hypnotherapy, the psychologist and the parents worked together to help the teenager to overcome her psychological disorder and it worked. Slowly, the girl could let go of her past experience and starts to love herself. Having learned the past connection with her, the mother became more caring towards her daughter, and she could learn to let go of her previous guilt that caused the death of her younger sister, by taking care with loving kindness of the re-becoming of her younger sister as her daughter.
Indeed... forgiveness towards others is important, but more importantly is forgiveness towards our own mistakes. By forgiving our past mistakes, we understand that things had happened and could not be undone. And this lead us to the freedom from the past. The wise thing to do is to make the best of what we have towards the situation that we face. The loving kindness and care shown by the mother towards her daughter had helped both of them overcome the 'guilt' from the past and the 'present' problems rooted in the past.
Too many tasks to do... too many deadlines to catch... too many ideas should be generated... too many inspirations needed... too many responsibilities to bear .... too much distractions along the way... too many things to revise...
Too little time to accomplish so much.... too little knowledge to cover that much... too little sleep that I had for so many nights .... too little time to do 'things that I want' ... too little energy to raise me up ... too little resources I can rely on.
Burden is getting heavier and heavier ... it is like carrying a backpack, where in every moment there is always something going in... make it heavier and heavier... as I pass through the time. The energy keeps on decreasing, while the burden is getting heavier .... what a balance it is .... what to do? How should I do it? I need a break.
"Put those things down!" that's a statement that I immediately recall from my teacher of whom I respect most. I remember once he demonstrated in front of us ... lifting up a bottle of mineral water and keep the arm straight to hold it up in the air ... He told us, "if I hold this up for a minute, it is okay. Hold it longer for 10 minutes, my arms start to get tried. Hold it for half an hour, my muscles start to cramp. Hold it for one hour, my arms become weak and cannot hold it up anymore. Holding it for another one hour, people will start calling me a stupid monk!"
It's not the bottle that is getting heavier.... it is us who hold it for too long. Stress is not about having too many things to do, but holding on into things for too long. That's the wisdom that he shared with us through this demonstration. So in that case, what should we do? The answer is very easy.... just put it down. Release it from all the tensions and your arms will be free and relieved. Relax.... even if it's only for few minutes. When you relax... do relax to the maximum level. Don't carry any single heavy burden for those relaxing moments, not even any single thought of them, just enjoy the peace and freedom.... enjoy it with a cup of tea if you like. Then after few minutes of best quality relaxing time, you will regain your energy back and try to lift the bottle up again.
Can you lift it up? Yes. Do you need a lot of effort to lift it up? No. Can you hold it for some time from now? Yes I do! Do you feel pressure when you are holding it up now? Not at all, all the pressures have gone. Still... the weight of the bottle remains the same, but the stress experienced in holding it up has gone. Indeed stress is not about having too many things to do, but holding on into things for too long. When you hold it up.... give your best effort to hold it up. Optimise the moment in holding it up as much as you can. When the time comes for you to relax... relax to the maximum as well.
So... I put down all my things.... sit comfortably, relaxing all parts of my body. Close my eyes... take a deep breath.... aaaaaah.... I feel the tiredness all over my body, but at the same time I feel relax and feel oxygen going into my lung and carried by blood to circulate all over my body, including my brain. I feel my head is getting lighter ... my aching spread evenly to my shoulders and my back. Relax..... no more work, no more deadlines, no more things to do, no more worries, no more panic, no more things.... I just do nothing.....
In the midst of not doing anything, the only thing that catches my attention is flowing in and out of my breath.... so beautiful, this is the breath that gives me life, carries oxygen through blood to every part of my body... enable me to think and to do my work.... but most of the time I forget about my breath. I even don't realise that it has done so much for me, while I'm busy with my things. It's like my mother who prepares me food, cook for me so that I can gain energy, while I'm too busy indulged with my work. First, I did not even aware that she's cooking. Second, I delayed her call when she called me to eat. And third, I was eating it with all my work in mind and did not give full attention to the love and care she had put in the food that I eat. By not enjoying my food to the maximum, I do not appreciate her love and care. Very straightforward.
No use of regret and guilt, the best should be apologising and not repeating it. Be mindful of how others put their love and care to me, especially in making difference to my life and sustaining my life. Like this beautiful breath.... I can forget my breath for so long that I want, but the breath never ever forget me even for a moment. In an instance when the breath forgets me for 2 seconds, medical research has shown that I will be in coma state, unconscious state of having brain "dead".
Thank you my breath! Keep flowing in and out.... and now I feel my energy back. I feel recharged. I look at the time, I have been sitting silently and enjoying my breath for 15 minutes. Now my head is lighter, feel fresher, and I'm getting more energised. It is better than sleeping for few hours. I take a glance back at my work.... hey I can do this and I can do that, I can modify this and I can modify that. For the next hours, I indulged myself back in my work with much better productivity.
Make the best of what we have... be it in working time, or relaxing time. When we work, work to the max, when we relax, relax to the max. Live from moment to moment of productivity.... and don't forget, for each moment ... our breath has given us life. Appreciate it by making the best of each moment, it's like enjoying the love and care that my mother put in the food, by truly enjoying every bite of it. Hmmm... so nice, so delicious. Thank you Mom!
This afternoon, at 1:10 pm west Indonesia time, Mr Soeharto, or we usually address him as Pak Harto, has passed away. Pak Harto is the Indonesia second president, right after Bung Karno (Soekarno) the founder of the Nation, and he ruled the country for 32 years. There are a lot of stories behind his stepping up as a president, a lot of controversial and hidden problems that will never be solved, lots of hatred, anger, and hostility from people who had regarded him as a big enemy.
Nevertheless, we have to be fair that he had done a good job in ruling the country. When I was a little kid until a year before his stepping down as a president, I only knew Pak Harto as the Father of Indonesia's Development, as a person who had done meritorious deeds in bringing the wealth to the countries and made us enjoy conducive conditions to live, study, and grow until who we become now. The other side of him, I only started learning it close to his stepping down. Despite all the negative things that he might have done, we had a connection with him that made us Indonesians.
As we know, whatever he had done in the past had already happened. Good or bad, positive or negative, like it or not, it's all been written in the storage called the Past, whether or not all of them have been recorded in the history or being twisted for some reasons. History will remain history, and the Past will remain the past. Nothing we can do about it, except changing the way we see it.
The most important question now is, what kind of memory should we retain when we remember Pak Harto? It is really up to us. Exactly yesterday, I listened to a Dhamma talk from my teacher, Ajahn Brahm. He shared with us two stories and these two stories are very inspiring one about forgiveness.
The first story is a story of two soldiers in Singapore, who lived in the battlefield during the World War II. At that time, they had to fight against Japanese soldiers and they were stationed in a camp around Changi area. The war had left them a very bad memory, as they saw for themselves how their mates, relatives, and families died in the hand of the Japanese troops, and how the fear, anger, hostility, and danger haunted their days. It was a very bad suffering and they were among the luckiest ones who finally survived after the war ended. Now, they had become two old folks and in one occasion they caught up with each other and started talking about the past.
The first soldier recalled all the horror that they could never had imagined prior to the War and started to sigh. He told his mate that the Japanese had caused a lot of suffering on him, and for the rest of his life, he will never forgive the Japanese for all the bad things they had done. Many lives lost, family broken, peace faded, and suffering persisted. He asked the second soldier, "thing should be going on the same with you, isn't it?". The second soldier smiled and he told the first soldier. "Friend, I can understand your feeling, I have gone through the same thing as you if not worse. But friend, please listen. After all these years, why do you still live in that horror Camp? I have forgiven the Japanese long ago. And I no longer live in that horror Camp."
The first soldier was still imprisoned by his horror experience in the Camp, while the second soldier had been freed from it. That is the significance of Forgiving. Why we must forgive others? The reason is for the freedom of ourselves, and also for the peace of mind of ours and the people who made the mistakes. The only way to be freed from this suffering is by forgiving. Letting go of the past, and living in the present moment. Isn't it wonderful to be freed from the Past?
The second story is a story told by Ajahn Brahm's teacher, Ajahn Chah. It is a story about two farmers who rear chickens and live next to each other. Every morning, the first farmer always wake up early and collecting stuffs from his chickens. There were two things produced by those chicken everyday, the first one is a bunch of eggs, and the second one is a bunch of chicken shit. This farmer always collects all the chicken shits, puts them in a basket, and leaves the bunch of eggs behind. Then he brings the basket full of chicken shit home. This farmer is called a stupid farmer.
The second farmer also wakes up early everyday and collecting poultry from his chicken. But for him, he always collects all the eggs, put them in the basket, and leaves the chicken shits behind. He will then bring the basket full of eggs home, take some to make omelet for his family and sell the rest to the market to earn cash. By doing this, he makes a living for him and his family. This farmer is called a smart farmer.
These two farmers story is similar to what we do when we visit our past. What kind of memory from the past would we collect? The "chicken shit" one? Or the "eggs" one? It is up to us. This story strikes me when I learned about Pak Harto's demise this afternoon. Pak Harto has now become the past, a man in a history. How should we remember him? It is up to us, the "chicken shit" one or the "egg" one. It no longer makes any difference to him who has left us, but it does make a difference to us.
Sabbe sankhara anicca (all conditioned phenomena are impermanent). May all the good deeds that Pak Harto had done, through thoughts, speech, and actions, be the supportive conditions for him to be reborn in a good realm, and be conducive conditions for him to be freed from suffering and its causes.
Thank you Pak Harto! Farewell and may you go in peace.
As if the manuscripts in front of me do not catch enough attention from me haha. Oh well, but I realise that blogging gives me another sense of looking at different thing in my life. At least I can have few minutes to reflect back on what has been happening in life. 
looking back at myself 6 months ago, I have actually changed a lot. Many of my colleagues actually commented that I have become a quiet person (does that mean I used to be a noisy one?) and very focused. Some even do not dare to distract me, they scared when they have to knock my office door (you know, I am the doorkeeper by 'feng shui') and they always apologised (not saying 'thank you' anymore) when I opened the door for them. And then, although they never mention this, but I know that I have become less friendly to people surrounding me 
